This is going to be sort of a two part article, covering both the subjects of voting, the sheer brilliance behind the "Dummies" books, and why it's a shame that there isn't actually a "Voting for Dummies" title...
Voting. That's right, it's election season again, and all these stale old farts are on TV droning on and on about why they're so great and why their opponents aren't, in hopes that when the big day comes and you find yourself in that little booth, you will be inspired to clearly mark the entry next to their name. The candidate typically tries to make this impression upon you by prattling endlessly about subjects you've never heard of, don't really care about, and/or don't understand, and you quite frankly wouldn't even know any different if they were just making most of this stuff up. Yet there are all these "vote for something" public service announcements going around, telling you it's your Patriotic duty as a member of a democratic society to vote. Bull crap, I say. I am honestly offended by the very concept. It is at best a half truth. Yes, the right and privelege to vote is at the very foundation of democracy, but it is my opinion that no vote at all is better than an uneducated one. The power to vote without knowledge is a dangerous one, and is actually detrimental to the entire system of democracy. Encouraging people to vote just for the sake of voting is ludicrous. An individual with a solid knowledge and understanding of politics, the candidates, and their policies, who casts his or her vote out of a concern for the well-being of the country can just as easily be undone by some moron who couldn't even point out the nation's capitol on a map and is selecting random entries on the ballot simply because a TV commercial told him that was the "patriotic" thing to do. It is for this reason that I find the whole concept of "just vote for something" unpatriotic. If you don't even know what you're voting for, you're only destroying the entire system by doing so. I'm not saying that anyone does not have the right to vote. Voting is a great power given to us, and any U.S. citizen is free to excersize it. But as wise old Uncle Ben once said to Spiderman, with great power comes great responsibility. Voting without any knowledge of what you are voting for is irresponsible and goes against the principles on which a democracy operates. So yes, do vote for something. Just remember that Patriotism simply isn't about voting, but voting responsibly.
Unfortunately, a "Dummies" book does not exist on the subject of voting. It would be able to clear up all these issues for the average American, as well as include a chapter instructing Florida residents on how to clearly mark a ballot. It would be a top seller, I'm sure. I love the "Dummies" books. I think the concept behind them is ingenious. The titles clearly insult you just for picking them up, yet they are bestsellers nonetheless. How they can even get away with this, I don't know. Here are a few of my particularly favorite titles published in the "Dummies" series...
• Sex For Dummies: If you need this book, you shouldn't be procreating anyway.
• Raising Smart Kids For Dummies: Sorry, genetics dictates you've already lost...
• Dog Tricks For Dummies: Sit, dummy, sit! Good dummy...
• Slow Cookers For Dummies: Redundant?
• Starting an Online Business For Dummies: Tips on scamming AOL customers, maybe?
• AOL For Dummies: Again, redundant.
• Alzheimer's For Dummies: Are you stupid, or just forgetful? I can't remember...
• Living Longer For Dummies: Great, just what we need. Idiots with longer life spans.
• Negotiating For Dummies: No really, no need to negotiate. You can keep them all.
• Communicating Effectively For Dummies: Because where would a dummy be without a good translator?
• Preventing Identity Theft For Dummies: For the people that fell victim to someone who read "Starting an Online Business For Dummies".
• NASCAR For Dummies: Another redundant one...
• Florida For Dummies: There's an understatement...
• Writing a Romance Novel For Dummies: Well, who else reads them?
• Inventing for Dummies: How can you invent something if you need a book to tell you how to do it?