3.27.2003

NEWS - Stupid News Update

Well, I've got good news, and bad news. Good news is, most of my new computer parts have already arrived. Props to NewEgg for their excellent speedy fast service. The bad news is I'm still missing two system critical parts, namely my motherboard and video card, thanks to the crappiest service I've ever received from an online vendor, at MStar. I placed my order on Friday. They charged my card for the order. I waited and waited for my parts to be shipped. Come Tuesday, my order still shows as "pending" on their site. Then Wednesday morning it changed to "Problem with order. Please call." How crummy is that? I never received an email, a call, nothing. I wouldn't have even known there was a problem with my order if I hadn't been checking the status directly on their website. So I called. Three times. I emailed them. I never got in touch with a live person. Then today they simply refunded my money without a word. What a bunch of crap. That's the last time I ever even visit their site. Sure they had some good deals, but I'll pay the extra couple bucks to order them at NewEgg instead, and actually get my parts, thank you very much. So if all goes well, I should have the missing parts in via NewEgg by Monday, and MStar can go rot in hell. Since as you can tell I'm still rather preoccupied with my new computer, I have once again neglected to compose something new and brilliant to post here. So you'll have to settle for a random collection of links to amusing news stories. First up, poking fun at the french. French toast and french fries are now officially freedom toast and freedom fries respectively, in my book. In another double feature news story, we get both UFO's and a dead cat. What could be better? Also, Georgians prove to be almost as stupid as Floridiots, but not quite.

3.24.2003

NEWS - Vacation!

Alright, now that the Official Warped Core War Whining Week is over, I will not likely be posting anything further on the subject. Feel free to come back here and send me an email when it's all over to tell me I was right though. If you do insist on continuing to watch all the up-to-the-minute news coverage, I suggest the Gulf War Drinking Game to take some of the edge off of it. Be warned though, you'll be drunk off your rocker after ten minutes of CNN. For those of you still worried about the outcome of this war (and I don't know who is), fear not, for with a national guardman who legally changed his name to Optimus Prime, we can't possible lose. If that doesn't convince you and you're still paranoid, mayhaps you should try an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie for added security. In other news, I ordered all my computer parts over the weekend. Well, not all. But enough of them so that it will at least turn on and do stuff. No thanks to any PayPal donations, unfortunately. I will be on mental vacation the remainder of this week while my thoughts are preoccupied by visions of once again having a working computer gracing my place of residence. So posting may be kind of light this week. The following week I will be on physical vacation, spending time bonding with my new computer, so unless I get the cable internet hooked up in a hurry to my new system, there will be no posting at all next week. Since I'm too preoccupied to write anything substantial, I'll just have to leave you with a few new links today. Go check them out. Added a couple new weblogs to my list of "Blogs that don't suck" too. Although I have to say WilWheaton.net is really there more out of some inner sense of obligation, being a Trekkie, than out of any real enjoyment from the random musings of a washed up actor who has nothing better to do with his spare time when not attending trek conventions than writing in a weblog. It's not all bad, but I think his motive for creating the site was really an attempt to convince anyone who will listen that he doesn't suck. I liked his character in the show, at least. Anyways, until tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to break away from daydreaming long enough to come up with something interesting to put here then.

3.21.2003

COMMENTARY - Protest the Protestors

What's with all these anti-war protestors? What do they think they are going to accomplish? When have a bunch of hippie protestors ever stopped a war? The entirety of the United Nations couldn't talk Bush out of going to war. Yet somehow, these protestors think that by standing outside the White House with their idiotic signs displaying misspelled slogans that only half apply to the conflict, the president will look out his window and say, "Gee, maybe this war wasn't such a good idea after all." You're standing in the road making fools of yourselves, and the only thing you've managed to stop is the traffic. You are obviously not accomplishing your intended goal, but you are managing to piss off anyone driving through the city with your useless demonstrating, whether they agree with your sentiments on the war or not. Is this just an excuse for you to take a day off of work? Or maybe you have anger management issues and find protesting things is a good release. I certainly hope it's not that you're naive enough to think that your measly little opinion is going to have an influence on global affairs. Get it through your heads. Nobody listens to protestors.

COMMENTARY - Media types must suck at Scrabble

What's with shortening "Weapons of Mass Destruction" to "WDM"? Thanks to the accursed three syllable W, you're only saving a whole two syllables with the acronym, when "Weapons of Mass Destruction" wasn't that hard to say or remember in the first place. It's not like deoxyribonucleic acid, which is quite a mouthful and difficult to remember, and understandably shortened to DNA. But "Weapons of Mass Destruction"? Who has a hard time remembering that? In fact, I think you'll confuse more people saying WMD rather than popping for the two whole extra syllables to just say the whole blasted thing. I was talking to Danny on this very subject today, and have to concur with him that, instead of "Weapons of Mass Destruction", the term "Big Boomies" should be coined. The media of course could then easily shorten it to "BB", as they like to do, to save them that whole one syllable. We certainly wouldn't want the media to feel obligated to speak plainly and clearly in non-abbreviated English. Heaven forbid they should have to spell it out.

3.20.2003

COMMENTARY - The American Terrorist Network

ter·ror·ism : the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion And to make sure we avoid any confusion... co·erce : to compel to an act or choice I put it to you that there is a terrorist network based right here on our very own soil. They have access to every home in America, every car, every office, every school. What insidious organization could be so deeply integrated into our society yet remain unnoticed? Our own media, of course. Through overexaggerated reporting and even pure speculation, the media is creating a hysteria designed with no other purpose than to keep people watching or listening to their station or buying their paper. They are creating fear and paranoia in their audience, who then feels they need to stay tuned in order to stay informed and protect themselves, when in reality all they are doing is making matters worse. It's a vicious cycle that's making the media millions. Is this not by definition terrorism? The media entities are systematically using terror to compel people to continue watching, listening, or reading so they can make more money off of them. For example, yesterday on CNN I heard a report discussing how there was a concern that, since America imports some foods from the Middle East, Iraq might have poisoned them before they were exported and put on American store shelves. They provided absolutely no evidence to back up this statement whatsoever. Why would they even broadcast this then? To create fear, so that people who saw this report would continue watching CNN until they finally see the update to this story, concluding that this speculation was in fact false all along. At this point, of course, they will have already dropped several other little tidbits of paranoia and suspicion on you, compelling you to continue watching until those are resolved as well, and now you are caught in the endless cycle of media terrorism. Want to fight the war on terrorism? Bring the fight home. Let the media know you find their terroristic tactics distasteful, and encourage truthful news reporting. I am aware that this is likely one form of terrorism from which we will never be free, but I feel people should at least be aware of it, and see it for what it truly is.

3.19.2003

COMENTARY - But... what am I going to do with all this duct tape?

Apparently, the entire nation shares the foolish notion that a.) IF there is another terrorist attack, then the entire country is somehow going to simultaneously blow up, and b.) flashlights, plastic sheets, and duct tape are going to save them when this happens. Let's think about this for a second. Sure, the threat of a terrorist attack does exist. However, it has been blown way out of proportion to the point that Americans everywhere are needlessly living in fear of it. It is true that terrorist attacks have different objectives than military attacks, holding an agenda with different priority targets which typically encompass government facilities, large public gatherings, or crowded buildings in major cities, where they can do the most damage. This is a frightening thought for civilians. But this really encompasses only a very small percentage of locations in the U.S. The Al Qaeda always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then!  Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!A terrorist running in and blowing up the gas station you work at in the backwoods of Colorado just isn't going to happen, for example. If you live outside a really major metropolitan area like New York, Chicago, or L.A., I'd say there is about ZERO threat of a terrorist attack coming your way at all. What of the people that do live in these heavily populated target areas though? Al Qaeda is broken, their training facilities destroyed, its members scattered. The attacks on September 11th failed to rally the support from the Muslim community Bin Laden had hoped for, and instead had an opposite reaction, giving Al Qaeda members fewer places to hide, for any nation knowingly harboring them fears the wrath of America might turn their direction. Bin Laden is just playing the Black Knight from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" right now. His arms and legs have been chopped off, yet he continues to trash talk like he is an almighty threat to our nation. I don't deny the possibility of the unknown, that there is still a terrorist threat lurking out there, and for that I am grateful for our heightened security efforts, but the American people are making a mountain out of a molehill. And in the extremely unlikely event that you find yourself in the middle of another terrorist attack, what exactly is that duct tape going to do for you? I suppose if you were MacGuyver, you could quickly fashion a hang glider out of the plastic sheets with some duct tape, use some rubber bands to make a really big slingshot, and take the batteries out of the flashlight to power a small propeller to give you some additional thrust as you try to fly out of harm's way. But seriously, folks. Get a grip on reality.

3.18.2003

COMMENTARY - Okay, so everybody hates us. Let's just bomb them already.

Alright, fine, I'll succumb to peer pressure and follow the popular trend of jabbering about war. In fact, I will dedicate the remainder of this week to it. This will be the Official Warped Core War Whining Week. Hopefully by the end of this week you'll see how silly this all is, and find something better to do with your time than fret away your life over all this nonsense you hear from other people babbling on this subject. You probably think I'm crazy, uncaring, or even unpatriotic, but this is hardly so. Quite the opposite, in fact. Well, perhaps with exception to the crazy bit. But anyways, stick with me the rest of the week and see why I believe that the vast majority of Americans really have absolutely nothing to worry about. Today's topic is, well, just read the title. I found this great article on MSNBC.com titled "The Arrogant Empire". I know, it's a really long read (comparatively speaking, to your average web news article), but definitely worth the time. For those of you too lazy to read it, I'll be discussing the highlights and including my own interpretation with the remainder of this post. The article really discusses not Iraq, but America. The whole business with Iraq has really been merely a catalyst for the inevitable. History has shown that every time a major power has emerged, suspicion and mistrust of that power would soon arise and there would be a banding together of the lesser powers to topple the greater, in order to even the playing field. Much like a bunch of lobsters in a tank, they keep pulling each other down so nobody makes it too near the top. The only reason America has stood unopposed for so long is that every president since the Cold War era has taken great care to maintain strong foreign relations. By showing concern and offering aid to other countries, we showed the world that our strength was to their own benefit, and not a cause for fear and mistrust. This all changed the moment Bush stepped into office. Since then, America has given off nothing but an air of arrogance, demonstrating to the rest of the world that we don't need them, while they still need us. Other countries have met this egotism with feelings ranging from resentment to outrage, yet none dare take action against America for it's conceit. For after the September 11th terrorist attack, the rest of the world watched in awe and horror as a sleeping dragon awoke and lashed back, effortlessly crushing an entire country on the opposite end of the globe in a mere matter of months. The world had let America go unchallenged for so long that our lead, in terms of both economy and military, is so far ahead of any other nation as to seem insurmountable. While America may be able to rule the world like this now, bullying other countries, making demands, and taking what we want, history has shown that this approach will inevitably fail us in the end. The rest of the world will eventually band together and take the war home to America, and once again even the playing field. Yet hope is not lost for us, even now as the world opposes our imminent war with Iraq. In the coming weeks, we will forcefully uncover the dark secrets hidden within Iraq and expose Saddam for the threat he really is, and the rest of the world will have no choice but to admit we were right. Many will undoubtedly still disagree with out methods, but there will also be a growing voice against the inaction of the U.N. and it's inability to come to a resolution or even accurately identify this threat. This will hopefully result in a reshaping of the U.N. to take a more proactive stance in global affairs moving forward. But America will need to regain the trust of the world, now that they have seen the true power our country possesses. Aiding in building a new Iraq in the wake of our extermination effort would be a good start. Kicking Bush out of office and electing a new president who will once more pick up a stance of interest and concern in foreign affairs is also definitely a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen, as again history has shown that presidents that have led our country in times of war typically get reelected. It is true that a president lacking the assertiveness of Bush would likely still be waiting on the U.N., and may not have taken any action against Iraq until it was too late. For this scenario, Bush was the right man for the job. His pit bull tenacity will get the job done, with or without the support of the rest of the world. But once this crisis is over, will he be able to step back down graciously, make his apologies to the nations he has offended, and rebuild relations with the rest of the world? I fear the consequences if he proves incapable of doing as much. The fear, anger, and resentment towards the U.S. will only escalate to a catastrophic end. ***Readers that are too lazy to even read this whole article, start here*** To summarize, the war on Iraq will prove America right. Weapons of mass destruction will be found in Iraq. A glaring flaw in the procedures of the United Nations will be exposed for it's inability to manage the incident itself, invoking fundamental changes in its organization. We will remove Saddam from power and eliminate any threat from Iraq. America will then once more work with the U.N. instead of against it, we will begin rebuilding foreign relations and peace will be restored, until King George decides to do something else stupid. So as you can see, despite outward appearances, matters are pretty well in hand, and the conflict will smooth over with relative rapidity. But you are left with the power to ensure an incident of this nature isn't repeated. While I forecast clear skies past the storms in Iraq, the world will not put up with Bush's bashing for too much longer, if he cannot change his ways. While his tactics have been well suited for a conflict with the likes of Saddam, the rest of the world does not appreciate being treated with the same contempt and lack of respect. So when the next presidential election comes along, give old George the boot and vote for a new president with at least some interest in foreign affairs. And if you live in Florida, make sure to mark your vote clearly, and be certain any pets you have registered to vote are instructed to mark their ballots accordingly as well.

3.14.2003

COMMENTARY - 2 for 1 special! Vanity plates AND Floridiots!

Speaking of Floridiots... I know this news article is a little old, one year exactly as a matter of fact, but a good story is timeless. Here we have Floridiots protesting a vanity plate. The DMV has cancelled the plate after a whole ten people signed a petition stating they were offended by it's message, which simply read "ATHEIST". Okay, let's look at this from both sides. Steve Miles, the owner of the plate, is the vice president of the Atheists club of Florida. It makes perfect sense to have a plate stating his convictions, or lack thereof. The dictionary definition of "atheist" is as follows: "One who disbelieves or denies the existence of a God, or supreme intelligent Being." In what way can this possibly be construed as an offensive term? The problem lies in that Florida is too far south to be considered part of the Bible Belt, and instead falls more in the Bible Buttcrack region. Combine the religious fervor of the Bible Belt with the blind conviction and stupidity of a state that thinks the civil war hasn't ended, where Union flags still fly off the back of their pickups, and you'll start to get the picture. Since this poor fellow does not share their belief in God, then he obviously shouldn't be allowed to express his opinion. It's people like this who give organized religion a bad name. Is a car driving around with a message conveying the lack of a religious affiliation by the driver really going to turn others away from church on Sundays? I think not. But a bunch of religious fanatics trampling someone's first amendment rights might make some people think twice about organized religion. That said, Steve Miles needs to get over his stupid vanity plate. You live in Florida, you should have expected this. Consider the money he's shelled out to keep that plate for the 16 years he's had it. He could easily have made bumper stickers for every member of the atheists club in the state with that much. Then there would be 300+ cars driving around Florida proclaiming "ATHEIST". Plus there would be no annual fee involved. Slap the sticker on, and you're done. Then the fanatic Floridiots could whine about it until they were blue in the face and there's nothing they could do about it, short of taking a razor blade to the back of your car and scraping it off themselves, at which point you could have them arrested. So where is the downside to this for the atheists? Apparently, in a follow-up story, the DMV reversed it's decision and informed Miles that he could keep his plate after all. Atheists: 1, Floridiots: 0.

NEWS - Sites for sore brains

Got a couple of new sites worth a quick mention. First is GameStudies.org. Here's a quick snippet about them that I took off their website: "Game Studies is a crossdisciplinary journal dedicated to games research, web-published several times a year at www.gamestudies.org. Our primary focus is aesthetic, cultural and communicative aspects of computer games... Our mission - To explore the rich cultural genre of games; to give scholars a peer-reviewed forum for their ideas and theories; to provide an academic channel for the ongoing discussions on games and gaming." The next time someone tells you that you're rotting your brain playing computer games, tell them you're doing research and refer them to this site. Next, I have a new source for news, Morons.org. What better way to keep tabs on Floridiots?

3.13.2003

OBITUARIES - THE RIAA

The RIAA is dead. They just haven't realized it yet. I've been giving some serious thought as to why the RIAA has to be such a pain in everyone's collective hind ends. Every day, I hear of some new harebrained scheme they've come up with, from attempts to squash piracy, shut down P2P networks, force ISPs to turn over information on subscribers "engaged in significant copyright infringement", choke off internet radio with hefty royalties, spread propaganda on the "evils" of file sharing and CD-R media, the list goes on and on. While pondering why the RIAA feels they need to be so malicious towards the digital revolution, I recalled something from that Psychology 101 class I took a forever ago. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote this book, "On Death and Dying", in which she defined the five stages of grief one faces when confronted with the knowledge of their own imminent death: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. Upon putting this principle into the context of the RIAA, it is quite apparent that they are in fact far into the throes of death. There was a time when musicians had to go through a major record company to make it big. Small time bands were doomed to failure without the label's promotional support and recording equipment. While this is still largely how the music industry operates today, there is a growing shadow looming on the horizon known as the digital revolution, which threatens the RIAA's traditional way of life. Thanks to the continually dropping prices of technology, for a relatively small investment a band can acquire their own equipment, record their own albums, burn their own CD's, and get some free publicity sharing their work on the internet. The RIAA for a long time was in denial. They scoffed at the idea that people would want their music in some digital format and not solely on a CD. The so-called digital revolution would surely die out, and the major record labels would remain dictators of the music industry. But the digital revolution didn't just go away. Instead it grew like wildfire to where it could no longer be ignored. The RIAA then took to bargaining. They made efforts to "coexist" with this revolution while maintaining complete dictatorial control, which really isn't coexisting at all, when you think about it. They began working with manufacturers to come up with ways to protect their media, but nothing seemed able to stop the determined pirates. The RIAA grew angry, and started lashing out. They started to fear this form of music distribution they did not have absolute control over. They dealt a crushing blow to Napster, who they long viewed as a thorn in their side, and now seek a similar fate for the slew of new P2P networks that arose in the wake of Napster's downfall. Visit the RIAA homepage to see what other detestable deeds they have committed, and view their plans for crushing the digital revolution moving forward. They proudly document all of it on their site, as to reassure themselves that they are in fact still alive and kicking. The demand for digital media is only intensifying though, and the RIAA needs to come to grips with this and find a way to truly coexist with it. Eventually some band or other will come up with a clever way to take advantage of this demand for digital media and make it big time without ever signing with a major label, resulting in a trend away from the RIAA with upcoming musicians nationwide, spelling the end of the RIAA, if they don't change their methods quickly. Take a look at the RIAA's own current mission statement:
"The Recording Industry Association of America is the trade group that represents the U.S. recording industry. Its mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial vitality. Its members are the record companies that comprise the most vibrant national music industry in the world. RIAA(r) members create, manufacture and/or distribute approximately 90% of all legitimate sound recordings produced and sold in the United States." Notice how there's no mention of the artists? How about the consumers? No mention of them either. That's because as the RIAA stands now, they're not a concern. Their only concern is their money. If their interests were anywhere else they would not be as unyielding and stubborn as they are. It's a commonly known fact that, in the entertainment industry, if you want to make the big bucks you have to give the people what they want. The people want digital media. The folks at the RIAA need to get that through their thick skulls. The RIAA need not die entirely, it only needs to die in its current form. Times are changing, and there is no place for an institution as inflexible as the RIAA stands now in our future.

3.12.2003

THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Pop-up ads

Pop-up ads are like the billboards along the information superhighway. Except billboards don't usually fall from the sky, crash down in front of you, and force you to read them. That'd be bad.

3.11.2003

COMMENTARY - IMAMRON

I hate vanity plates. Why would anyone pay extra to have a specific arrangement of no more than seven characters as the identification for their vehicle? You're not going to be able to say anything clever with so few letters, especially since the very few witty arrangements like "SLAVE I", or "NCC1701" are certainly already taken. And what's the point of a vanity plate on your car if you're the only one who knows what it means? It loses what little cleverness it had once you have to keep explaining it to every car that pulls up next to you, asking what the garbled phrase you tried to mash down to seven letters on the back of your car is supposed to mean. You may as well just have a randomly assigned plate. And even a garbled vanity plate is easier to remember than a randomly assigned one, so the next time you're driving drunk, plow over a pedestrian, and try to drive off, your plate will be on the tip of any witnesses' tongues. Got something to say and have to stick it on your car? Spell it out on a bumper sticker. It'll cost you only a fraction of a vanity plate, people will actually be able to read and understand it, and neither the DMV or the police keep your bumper stickers on file. Then you can mow down innocent bystanders while intoxicated with ease, and still share your clever message with the world.

3.10.2003

NEWS- Stats and stuff

I signed up with Blog Hot or Not last week, and judging from the results so far, apparently people either absolutely love my site, or they wickedly despise it. Very few people seem to fall in between. Of course, this may be a bit of a premature analysis after only nine votes, but at least I can take comfort that there seem to be more people who fall into the former category than the latter. My poll seems to indicate that my new color scheme has been met with lukewarm acceptance at best, so I will likely be changing it to something more traditional and a little easier on the eyes in the next month or two. I likely won't be taking the time to mess with the site's coding from work anymore, so it'll have to wait until I have a computer at home to work on it. Which, by the way, should only be another month. If all goes according to plan, I will be ordering the parts for my new system sometime next week, and should hopefully have it built and online in the two weeks following. No thanks to any PayPal donations unfortunately... Moving on though, in my ongoing effort to get traffic, and also due to my own curiousity and lack of anything better to do (what was that? Work at work?! That's crazy...), I have probably perused several hundred blogs over the past week. I have shocking news to share with you regarding the blogging community: Most blogs suck. Okay, this isn't really shocking news, and in fact is the reason this blog was founded, in protest of them, but I have been so busy updating my own blog that I had forgotten how much everyone else's sucked. Seriously, you should just stick to mine, and not waste your time even looking at the rest of them. Still, during my surveillance of the blogging community I have stumble across several very, very rare gems of blogs that are actually worth your time to read. So I am starting a new links section on my page to share this short list with you in hopes of saving you the pain and agony of suffering through all the crappy blogs you'd have to wade through to find them on your own. Look for the start of this list to be up a little later today. Once I have my new system built and online at home, I think I'm going to start my own webring for blogs that don't suck. In addition to personally screening the applicants, I also plan on sending invitations to blogs that I think are worthy. This way there will finally be a webring where you can be assured that any site within will not be a total waste of your time. I think I may have just barred my chances of getting into any further webrings in the future by saying as much, but just check out some of the sites in any of the six rings I'm currently signed up for if you have any doubt that most rings don't exactly uphold the highest of quality standards. At any rate, that's about all the news I have for now. I should probably start working at work now, seeing as I've been here three hours and haven't done a thing yet...

COMMENTARY - Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

I live in America. Last I checked, our national language here was English. Could somebody please tell me why we're bending over backwards for Spanish speakers then? I understand that citizens of many Spanish speaking craphole countries south of the border are exiting en masse, many of them illegally, to the U.S., but what makes them think we need to learn their language, and they can get off without learning ours? Now don't take me for racist in any form. If I lived in a craphole country like that I'm sure I'd do anything to get out to a better place as well. Consider that a criticism of their government, not of the people. But if I move into some other country, I recognize that I damn well better learn the language there if I hope to make it. Yet somehow all these Spanish speakers are getting away with it. I guess they figure if enough of them move to our country, they can push the English illiteracy rate high enough to force the widespread adoption of Spanish. Seems this ploy is working out quite well, in fact. We have Spanish T.V. stations, Spanish newspapers, magazines, and books, restaurants have menus in Spanish, and even government websites are now published in Spanish. Their language is infiltrating our country and slowly sucking the life out of English. What happened to America, the arrogant playboys of the world? Since when did we start catering to other people? What happened to our belief that since we sit on top of the world, everybody should bend over backwards, cater to us, and learn English? If someone were to walk into the Senate and propose that our national language were to be changed to Spanish, he would be laughed right out of Washington. America is very good at deflecting this sort of frontal assault. But as evidenced by our time spent in Vietnam, what we have a weak defense against are guerilla warfare tactics. This is exactly the sort of attack we are seeing on our national language. A covert infiltration is underway, quietly taking chunks of our nation at a time, until soon English speakers will be among the minority and the replacement of our national language becomes inevitable. So I'm probably exaggerating a bit and being overdramatic, but the issue in some form still remains. I think if nothing else it is a sign that our country is changing. I could not see our nation going to such lengths to accommodate immigrants some decades ago. Welcome them, we certainly did, but cater to them we did not. How this transforming America will affect our lives, for better or for worse, remains to be seen. Perhaps America is just growing up, or perhaps we are growing old.

3.07.2003

COMMENTARY - News for the naive from Nigeria

I've heard about these fraud emails before, but this is the first time I have had the good fortune to recieve one myself. Yessir, it seems I'm heir apparent to $12 million! Take a look:
Dear Bailey, I am Mr.Benny Obaseki, the Manager funds release with Standard Trust Bank (plc), I am the accountant in charge of Mr.Anthony Bailey's account a National of your country, who used to work with a Multi-National oil Firm in Nigeria. Here in after shall be referred to as my client On April 21, 2000, my client, his wife, and their three children were involved in a car accident along Sagamu express way. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended Relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they Get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged, particularly the Standard Trust Bank (plc) where the deceased had an account valued at about ($12 million u s dollars) has Issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next ten official working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at ($12 million u s dollars) can be paid to you and then you and me Can share the money. 60% to me and 40% to you . All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through.I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me by my email. Best regards, Benny Obaseki. Wow. I wonder how many idiots actually buy into this obvious fraud. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to play along for a bit, see how long it takes him to realize that I'm interested in nothing more than mocking him. So here's the email I sent back. I will hopefully be able to follow this up next week with his return reply, unless he's unfortunately quick-witted and catches on to my sarcasm after just the first round. My last name, in case you were wondering, isn't even Bailey.
Dear Mr. Obaseki, Thank you so much for contacting me in regards to my deceased relative and his unclaimed fortune. I am quite impressed with your investigative skills, to have tracked me down to this anonymous email account that I had opened no more than four months ago, especially considering how you were going off of nothing more than a last name that has no attachment to this address whatsoever. Your writing skills seem to lack the same level of proficiency however, as I would expect something a little more eloquent from someone holding the title of bank manager, but perhaps this could be attributed to English being a second language for you. I took the liberty of visiting the website for Standard Trust Bank to learn a little more about your company and verify that it was a legitimate organization. There was a notice on the site that read as follows: "It has come to our notice that some individuals have been impersonating Standard Trust Bank Plc and officials of the bank and making business proposals to the public. This is to advise the public especially our customers and prospective customers to exercise extreme caution in responding to all suspicious business proposals from these sources..." I'm sure this is just a precautionary statement though, and that your proposal is certainly genuine. So please tell me, what must I do in order to secure this inheritance? I eagerly await your reply. Cordially, TribbleHunter Bailey

3.06.2003

COMMENTARY - Say Good Morning to my FIST

I propose that the term "good morning" should fall into disuse for its lack of political correctness. I feel the word "good" is entirely too subjective to be tossed about so lightly. Going around spouting "good morning" throughout the AM hours only spreads dissention and ill will among everyone you come into contact with. It's a simple fact that most people's mornings are not, in fact, good. What's good about having to wake up, drag yourself out of bed, and drive in rush hour traffic to get to your lame boring job? That's right, NOTHING. This is why most people are NOT in a good mood in the morning, and why they don't appreciate your salutations of "good morning". By saying such you are insinuating that you are in fact having a good morning yourself, for why else would you wish someone else to have a good morning if you are not even having one? Your flaunting "good morning" is then interpreted as boasting your cheery disposition in the face of the unhappy populace around you, who will then loathe and resent you for it. So if you are one of those annoyingly cheery morning people, I suggest you keep your calls of "good morning" to yourself in the future so as to curb any further unnecessary animosity towards you from those around you who do not share your disposition. Instead, I suggest the simple greeting of "Morning" be adopted. This statement conveys the simple fact that, yes, it is morning, without inflicting your cheeriness upon others who want nothing to do with it, and just want you to leave them alone to their coffee until lunchtime.

3.05.2003

NEWS- What do you do when a Floridiot throws a grenade into your house?

Pull the pin out and toss it back. It sounds like a bad joke, but read this latest article on Floridiocy. Apparently someone threw a grenade into this family's home, which they immediately threw back out the window, where it landed in the front lawn, and didn't blow up. When the bomb squad got there, they discovered the pin hadn't even been pulled, and that it was in fact an old grenade that someone had put a pin back into to make it look active, so it wouldn't have done anything if the idiot had thought to pull it before he chucked the thing anyway. I don't go out of my way to pick on Florida natives, they just make it so easy...

3.04.2003

NEWS - Uh... Stuff and things...

New site of the day definitely worth a mention, Intellectual Whores is the home of "Ladder Theory", which explains exactly how men and women think, and how these differences in gender specific cognitive reasoning account for virtually all instances of men getting mentally kicked in the face by women. If you're a guy who's been screwed over by a chick and still bitter about it, you'll love this site, and most likely be able to determine where you went wrong. If you're a guy new to the dating scene, you should use this site as your bible, it'll save you a lot of future heartache if you do. Oh, and if you're a chick, yeah, you could go read it too, and then tell yourself that you're different and shrug it off, just like every other chick who reads it does. Also, the latest Deep Thought from Danny: "You know how pretty much everything in the night sky we see has already taken place many many many many years ago? I HATE that. I hate being the last one to know what's going on." You should go check out his post on the evils of ice cream as well.

COMMENTARY - War Happens. Get Over It.

I'm tired of hearing everyone lament about war. Yes, it's bad. Yes, people die and things blow up. It's all the elements that make a good action movie, but it seems to suddenly lose its appeal when it's happening on the evening news instead of on HBO. Go figure. I have a simple mathematical explanation for all you people sniveling about the evils of war. You might recognize it if you managed to make it through so much as junior high. If A=B, and B=C, then A=C. What's this got to do with war? Well, let's add some names to these variables. We'll assign the word happens to A, B will be sh*t, and C will stand for war. So adding these variables into our formula, A=B stands for happens=sh*t, or put into plain English, "sh*t happens". This is a common universally accepted truth, and is the foundation for the rest of our formula. Next, B=C would represent sh*t=war, or in common terms, "war is sh*t". This is also widely accepted as a factual statement. So that brings us to A=C, happens=war, or "war happens". As you can plainly see, if the previous two statements of sh*t happens and war is sh*t are true, then the declaration that war happens must also be true. That's right. There's no way around it. War happens. So get over it. A study was done on rats, where the rodents were placed in a utopian environment with more fresh food and water than they could use. Yet interestingly enough, as the rat population grew and their environment became overcrowded, the rats started to break into distinct packs and began hording the food, even though there was more than enough to go around. They then became extremely violent and began killing each other. All as a result of overpopulation. I think we see a similar phenomenon with humans on a global scale, and while typically overlooked, it is still likely a playing factor in the instigation of wars. Honestly, I think we should welcome war as a form of population control. While it's true there are civilian casualties, wars are really fought by and large by soldiers. In many countries these soldiers may not be offered the choice to serve as they are here in the U.S., but whether they were drafted by force or joined up by choice, the casualties of war are largely refined to the specific demographic of males of reproductive age. Eventually the war ends, the population has been cut back, and human reproduction will have been deferred for a generation or two. This seems to me a more favorable form of population control than many. Most other forms of limiting the population lack the controlled nature of war. Take disease as another example. Disease is far less discerning about its victims, and kills without the discretion of war. So would you want to be a candidate for population control yourself via some strange and exotic jungle virus, or would you rather someone willing to sacrifice their lives go out and die for you in a more controlled method of population management instead? Puts it in a different light when you look at it like that, doesn't it? I'm still not saying you have to like it, but come to grips with the fact that war is an inevitable event, and is not as evil as you may think. And please, quit your pansy sniveling and show your appreciation to those soldiers who are willing to sacrifice their lives to prevent the animalistic instincts of man from destroying us all. You owe it to them.

3.03.2003

COMMENTARY - New! Warped Core PREMIUM BLEND!!! (a.k.a "Shameless plug for money")

I'm cheap. That's why I host this site at Blogspot using Blogger, because they're free. I have free email accounts, free hosted stat trackers, free polls, and am now looking into a free discussion board or commenting system for the site. I am a big fan of the word "free". But with every one of these free services I have, there lurks its premium counterpart but a click away. You will inevitably at some point take a peak at these premium services during the course of your usage of the free model, and be enticed by the new and upgraded features for just a meager few dollars a month. Many of you may even buy into it and shell out the money for the benefits that come with that title of "premium user". While, as I said, I much prefer the word "free", I can see how this model is effective. The people who want something for nothing have the free service, those with too much money to spend get their title of "premium user", and many of the free subscribers may be convinced to upgrade their services later, making the retailer happy. Everybody wins. So I got to thinking, since this model is used on about everything else even remotely related to my blog and seems to work so well, why not incorporate some sort of premium pay model into my blog as well? I gave it a good deal of thought, and have instead only managed to come up with a list of reasons NOT to do this. It'd be too much work to manage subscriptions, I don't really have many visitors to begin with, and I'm sure most of my regular visitors are as cheap as I am and wouldn't pay for it anyways. Oh, and there's also the fact that I have about nothing to offer paying subscribers that would be worth their money. Since I'm a big fan of the word "free" myself, I have a hard time coming up with content or incentives that I feel warrant your money. So while I may have decided that a premium pay model such as this certainly wouldn't work out too well for my blog, I still want people to give me their money. Then I thought, hey, why not just provide people with the opportunity to simply give you their money for no good reason? That's what PayPal is for, right? Enter my PayPal donation link.
Here's another scenario where everybody wins. You still get all of my content for free, and I will continue to maintain the site as I do currently, as I don't seriously expect anyone to actually donate any money to me. But, should you choose to make a donation, you can take pride in the knowledge that you are aiding in the betterment of my humble little blog. How, you ask? Well, for starters, I may one day be able to afford a computer of my own, so I can type my articles from home rather than writing it all at work when I should be working. This will also ensure that I get more work done at work, as it will cut down on the time I have to spend messing with my blog from there, thus decreasing the chances that I get fired and am left with no means with which to update the site at all in the future. With enough donations, I may even be able to afford an internet connection with that new computer, and I would be able to update the site on the weekends, instead of just on weekdays as I do now. Think about it, if I were to post seven days a week instead of a mere five, that would represent a 28.6% increase in new site content per week, all thanks to your donations. But wait, there's more. I often come up with thoughts or ideas throughout the day that would make great posts on my blog, but since I have nothing on which to jot these ideas down on the spot, I often forget them, and what may have become a precious editorial gem is lost to the swiftly flowing sands of time. Your donations could help fund the purchase of a Palm Pilot, so I could not only jot down these thoughts on the fly, but even write entire articles while I am on the go, improving both the quality and quantity on the site. And after that, I could use donations to buy a digital camera, to improve the aesthetic quality of my site with new photos and graphics. Donations would also allow me to buy more toys and games, see more movies, and go more places, giving me a plethora of new topics to write about, ensuring new and exciting content far into the future. So as you can see, if you enjoy my blog, giving me your money is really in your best interest. So donate freely and often! This is the end of my shameless plug.