COMMENTARY – The Dangers of the Discovery Channel

Parents need to be very careful about what they allow their children to watch on television these days. Even the seemingly harmless Discovery Channel is no longer safe. Take the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, for example, running around grabbing crocodiles by the tail, and playing with venomous snakes, spiders, and a variety of other lethal animals and insects. Do not allow your children to watch this show under any circumstances. Next thing you know, they’ll all be running around talking with Australian accents, saying things like “Crikey!” all the time, and who as a parent wants their children to do that? But children and Australian accents aside, those seemingly most susceptible to Steve Irwin’s bad example of tackling large reptiles is your average ordinary Floridiot. I spent three years living in Florida, and know the breed well. Just take a look at this news article for a typical example of Floridiocy at work. While I am initially impressed by a 49-year old woman who can pick up a live 6-foot alligator and toss it in the back seat of her car, I am more immediately struck by the sheer stupidity of doing so. You’ll notice how they mention it’s a felony to possess an alligator in Florida, as she was obviously not the first person to try something so incredulously unintelligent as wrapping her arms around one of these land sharks. The tourists have more respect for these prehistoric lizards than the natives do. You’d think with such easy feeding, the alligator population would explode uncontrollably in Florida. It very well might if Floridiots were to learn how to drive their boats sober and stopped mowing down any gator or manatee in their path. I suggest that, in an effort to discourage future incidences of such television-inspired stupidity, all timeslots previously occupied by the Crocodile Hunter should instead be replaced with The Joy of Painting. I challenge even a Floridiot to kill themselves mimicking Bob Ross.