GUIDE – How to piss off your chick obsessed with Animal Crossing.

Throughout this article, I will be referring to these guides at GameFAQs.com. I hate Animal Crossing. I don’t have the patience for it. I don’t like a game that makes me wait. Gaming is about instant gratification. It’s about firing up your favorite game and letting the instant mayhem take you away from the dull tedium of your real life for a while. What’s the point of tossing a game in to live a virtual life of tedium to replace your real one? I don’t get it. For some reason though, chicks love this game. It’s like Tetris. I never understood chicks’ fascination with Tetris either, how they could just sit there and play it for hours and hours, yet it seems to be an undeniable universal female trait nonetheless. It appears that Animal Crossing has this same female appeal, however this time Nintendo has made it far more insidious. For as she plays the game, it will continuously drop hints to her about how much more fun the game would be if she were to get some friends to play it with her too. Which means you. Within three days she will have suckered you into playing it with her, and there is nothing you can do but suffer through it with her to make her happy. Or is there? I feel your pain, for I am in the same position as you. Have no fear though, I have a few tips to help you out so you don’t have to actually work or wait for anything. With these guidelines and a little help from GameFAQs.com, you will be able to show your significant other that Animal Crossing is NOT, in fact, more fun with more people, and she’ll be deleting your memory card in no time, and you’ll be off the hook. Step 1: In the Beginning… First off, start your own town, don’t just move into your chick’s existing town. This means you’ll need a second memory card, but chances are you already have one since she’s likely playing this on your Gamecube and is using the free memory card that came with the game, so you should still have that memory card of your own you can use. Alright, now I hate to tell you this, but you’re going to have to actually play the game for a bit at the start. When the game begins, you move into your new town and pick out and buy a house from Tom Nook, the shopkeeper. You have next to no money, so you become his indentured servant for a time and have to run a handful of errands for him, until he can’t think of anything else he needs you to do. He’ll then release you from working for him, but will tell you how you still need to pay off the rest of your house. This will have given you ample time to develop a solid aversion for the actual game, and once that part is done, you’re ready to move on to step 2. Step 2: Back to the Future. Time traveling is one of the greatest and cheesiest ways to make quick cash. Next time you start your game, set the date back to January 1st 2001 (since that’s as far back as it will go). Check your mailbox. You’ll have a “Happy New Years” letter from “Mom” with 10,000 bells attached. Pocket the cash, save your game, and change the date to January 1st, 2002. Lo and behold, mother left you another 10 grand. Pocket it, save, and warp forward another year. If you did this all the way to 2030, which is as far as the calendar will go, you’d have close to 300,000 bells already in a manner of an hour or so. Other good dates for easy cash are October 31st (Halloween, after 6pm), and November 5th (Mayor’s Day), 11th (Officer’s Day), and 29th (Sales Day). You’ll have to actually trek to the wishing well on each of these days and talk to the mayor, where he’ll give you some model or other, depending on the holiday, all of which sell for bank at Nook’s store. The next best way to get cash is to scout the area for fossils each day, mail them off to the museum for identification, then save, quit, and warp forward a day so they’ll already be back in your mailbox. Sell them to Nook, find the new fossils for the day, and repeat until you have enough cash. Also check some of the guides at GamesFAQ.com for some other tricks for quick cash if you have an additional empty memory card or a GBA with a link cable. Step 3: The Black Market. Now that you have all this easy money, paying off all the upgrades on your house should be a piece of cake. But now there’s the problem of putting stuff in that empty house. To actually find the items you want in the game is a pain in the neck. You have to shop around every day to see what new items are in the store, or run stupid errands for other townsfolk and hope they give you something good instead of some crappy stationary. This certainly takes an unacceptably sizable amount of time. That’s why you just steal the items you want. Check out the Universal Codes FAQ on the above link to GameFAQs.com. This is by no means a complete list of items in the game, and I’ve come across a few codes on this list that don’t seem to work, but you can still use it to attain the majority of items in the game for free, without the days, weeks, or months of hunting for them legitimately. All you have to do is go to Tom Nook’s store, give him the code for the item you want, and he just gives it to you. Simple as that. Oh, and don’t have enough cash yet? Check the turnip prices with Tom Nook everyday, and when they’re high use the code to get 100 turnips and sell them back to him. This can be the most efficient source of income by far. Tom will only let you use the codes to get items three times before he says he’s all out, but just go back to your house, save and quit, and then come back the same day, and he’ll let you use another three. The highest I’ve seen was 624 bells per turnip, and using this trick I had over a million bells in far less time than the time warp trick. I don’t think there’s any real way to gauge what the turnip prices are going to be, so just keep an eye on them as you play. Step 4: Cat Burglary. And all the other animals for that matter. Now that you’re loaded with cash, and your house is all upgraded, use the guides to make a perfect house/ perfect town. This might take a little while, but not to worry, we’re almost done. Oh, and don’t worry about the weeds. It would take you forever to pull them all if you’ve accumulated a lot of weeds in your town, which you will if you time warped at all. So set the clock to about 2am and wander around town looking for a ghost. He’ll ask you to catch 5 spirits lost somewhere in your town. Grab your bug net and with ten or fifteen minutes of searching you should have captured them all. Return them to the ghost, and to reward you he will offer to paint the roof of your house, give you a present, or pull your weeds for you. The choice should be obvious. After you’ve managed to attain a perfect town, spend a lot of time traveling back and forth between your town and your chick’s town. While you’re taking the train, the memory cards interact, and if your town is rated better than hers, a lot of the people from her town will move out and settle in your town instead. Also, now that you know what it takes to make a perfect town, you could do a little sabotage in her town as well. Trample flowers, cut down trees, and the like. She will be none too pleased to play the next day to find everyone in her town has instead moved to yours. COVER YOUR TRACKS! This is the most important part. If she catches you changing the clock, or using the codes to get items, or discovers any evidence of the steps in this guide, she will likely take to cheating as well just to stay ahead of you. While you will have managed to destroy the game for her, you now don’t have an easy way out. The idea is to leave her frustrated and baffled at how your town could be so much more successful than hers. So it is important you do not get caught. If you time warp, be sure to set the clock back to the correct date and time before she plays again. Hide the codes where she won’t find them if you’ve printed them out. And don’t totally ravage her village all at once. She’ll notice if all her trees are leveled overnight, but won’t miss a few a day, for example. If you follow these steps correctly, you should be rich, have a big house with all the cool items, and everyone will want to live in your town, while she will be left living in a shack in an empty village. She won’t be happy, and you know what that means. So say goodbye to your memory card, and you’re off the hook.