COMMENTARY - Hypocritical Couch Patriots

I don’t pretend to be even mildly interested in politics. I can’t handle the politics in my own office, much less concern myself with the affairs of the rest of the world. Ernest Benn once said “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.” I tend towards straightforward honesty, which unfortunately has no place in the world of politics, hence I just keep largely to myself. So does my outward lack of concern for the affairs of our nation, the world, and just people in general make me uncaring and unpatriotic? Hardly. Well… okay, perhaps uncaring, but I have enough problems of my own without having to worry about yours too. But what of patriotism? Does my generally detached stance on the state of the world around me make me unpatriotic as well? Maybe so, but then I put it to you that most of you are no more patriotic than I am. Let’s take a look at the definition of “patriotism” according to Webster: “Love of country; devotion to the welfare of one's country; the virtues and actions of a patriot; the passion which inspires one to serve one's country.” By this definition, we can identify several distinct levels of patriotism. There’s the red-blooded patriot, whose devotion to country is so strong that he is willing to put his life on the line in its service. Then you have the friendly neighborhood patriot, the individual who may not give his life in the service of his country, but at least finds what ways he can to make his country a better place, through volunteer work, donation of time and resources to worthy causes, and the like. Then there is the category of patriotism that most accurately describes the bulk of the American population, the couch patriot. This is the person who watches the US bomb the hell out of some country on the evening news and says, “Yeah, go America!”, while waiting for Friends or Seinfeld reruns to come on next. These are the people who pay the boy scouts to plant American flags in their front yard on patriotic holidays because they’re too lazy to do it themselves and likely don’t even possess an American flag of their own. They are the same type of people who only go to church twice a year, once for Christmas and once for Easter. I have no problems with the couch patriot, so long as one doesn’t come along and hypocritically accuse me of my lack of patriotism. Honestly, what have you done for your country? What makes you more patriotic than me? Just because you’re more vocal? According to Plato, “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” Talk is cheap. Want to show your patriotism? Do something. Buying a t-shirt or bumper sticker with the American flag on it doesn’t count, either. Any fool can sit in his living room and comment on the President’s State of the Union address, or Colin Powell’s testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, but does that make you anything more than a couch patriot? I don’t think so. What I can’t stand even more than a hypocritical couch patriot though, is the flagrant capitalization on patriotism and terrorism. I remember the commercials after September 11, “Show your patriotism and buy our product, help keep America’s economy rolling”, and crap like that. It made me sick. Here we are in the wake of the most tragic act of terrorism our nation has ever witnessed, and all these businesses jump at the opportunity to exploit “patriotism” to make a quick buck. They should be ashamed. I believe that particularly over the past couple of years, the definition of patriotism has been horribly mutilated into something it is not. It has nothing to do with spending money on “American products”, which more than likely aren’t made in the US anyway. Pasting American flags all over your house, car, or body does not make you patriotic. Pretending you are concerned about current events in America that have absolutely no impact on you does not make you look patriotic. It just makes you look phony. The explosion of the space shuttle Columbia is a good example of this. The thing was built on 30-year old technology, patched together with decades old spare parts. Most people don’t even drive cars in that condition, and we’re strapping rockets to these things and launching them into space, expecting them to come back and land in one piece every time. Does anyone else see an accident waiting to happen? I will save the rest of my thoughts on America’s space program for another day, but what I’m getting at is why should I have to spend the entire week pretending I’m deeply impacted by an accident waiting to happen that finally did? Sure, I feel some sorrow for the astronauts that lost their lives, but every one of them knew the risks involved with their chosen occupation, and knew that a tragedy such as this was always a possibility with every mission. I didn’t actually know anyone on that shuttle, so honestly my emotions toward it end there. Yet somehow people feel they’re more patriotic if they appear more emotionally in touch with any major event in the public eye. Well, it doesn’t, so stop it. Unless you’re a pregnant woman or have some hormonal imbalance, you have no excuse. Patriotism is nothing more than an emotion, and it is felt differently and acted upon in different manners by different people. There’s no need to be phony about it, or be ashamed because your patriotism isn’t the same as your neighbor’s. Don’t let any marketing ploys aimed at your hard earned money or overly dramatic news broadcasts tell you how you have to display your patriotism. True patriotism can’t be given to you. Have your own sense of patriotism. Okay, this post turned entirely too serious, so in an effort to reverse that I’m going to close with a haiku about llamas. Majestic llama, adorned in thick purple fur, what an acid trip! And that’s all I have to say on that.